Jessica Simpson totes her hairdresser Ken Paves around like he is a portable Malibu Ken doll while she's sporting the synthetic Barbie doll hair. I can't wait to see Jessica in her new movie roll where she plays a Wal* Mart cashier. I hope she wears a shapeless blue smock.
See what happens when you leave your pregnant girlfriend for a younger woman? Billy Crudup was actually rather hot before he got involved with Claire Danes. She hits him with the ugly stick every night before they go to bed. He's got crazy eyes!
Nicole Kidman better stop with the hair dye and diet pills because she's losing her pretty tresses. She's going bald! This is very severe. Maybe its a side effect from having the chip removed from her brain after the spaceship took her up to the intergalactic hideout of Ron Hubbard during her marriage to Tom. Could be.
MK Olsen had Bob Saget hot glue Mariah Carey's Lady Godiva extensions onto her head. Here's a tip: fake, long, pretend hair isn't pretty. Do you really want to look like a cartoon of a mermaid? How about a Kinkajou monkey wearing a Star Jones Wig?
This bitch never smiles! I would have a grin on my face all day and night if I had ridiculous amounts of cash like the Olsen twins, yet her mug is always in a scowl or pucker. Lighten up and count your jillions!
I try not to post porn so excuse this photo. Tom is whiter than Ryan Seacrest's bleached teeth after a Zoom session. Like Katie really sleeps with that apparition? Please. Disgusting! I bet he smells like novacaine and ammonia.
And Katie, Burberry plaid is so yesterday! Clearly you are too busy with your robotic instruction to keep up with fashion. Let the Scientology handlers know that you can shop on your own, okay?
Belly Watch: medium to large, mid-range.